There are three kinds of dancers: the serious, the just-the-fun, and the unwilling. What follows is advice to parents of all three. Most of this is advice offered to me as a parent of a dancer by her teachers and professionals. Regardless of how poorly I may follow this advice, the advice itself is good.

The unwilling dancer is the one pushed by her parents--usually Mom--to succeed in a discipline not of her choosing. Often it's the mother just living vicariously through her poor child. These are sometimes called "stage mothers". We've all seen them, even in other pursuits. These are stupid parents steadily working to destroy their children by their own self-centeredness. They make my blood boil with anger. In a tremendous effort to contain my rage against such evil (yes, it's evil, nothing less), I'll simply say this: grow up already.

The just-for-fun dancers see ballet as just another activity, like soccer or Girl Scouts. There's nothing wrong with dancing just for fun, as long as it doesn't detract from the quality of instruction offered to those among them who are serious about perfecting their art. Basic rules like wearing a bun, dressing properly, modest cover-ups, arriving on time, and not missing many classes, are often neglected by the just-for-fun dancers, though--actually, it's the parents' fault when the dancers are young. These rules are there for good reason, most importantly to provide the kind of environment that is conducive to serious skill development. My advice to parents of the just-for-fun dancers is to please refrain from spoiling it for the serious dancers. Adhere to these simple rules and don't be jerks.

The serious dancers tend to be uncommon though not rare. They are very serious about the art, always wearing a bun, always conforming to the dress code, showing up on time, taking as many classes as possible, practicing at home, etc. They're the ones who end up in Praise In Motion or some other professional company; they often teach, too. Be on the lookout for the possibility that your dancer has this calling. Odds are, she doesn't; but if she does, all you need to do is get out of the Lord's way and let Him guide her dancing heart right to His throne. It's a beautiful wonder to behold!

The role of the parent can help a dancer make-it-or-break-it. I've seen gifted and apparently called dancers have their dancing futures destroyed by unsupportive parents. It's heartbreaking to see unwitting parents interfere with the Lord's plans. This is my advice on how to help a young dancer answer the Lord's call to dance for Him.

Follow the rules. I've already touched on this and the reason for it. At the very least, it's a sign of respect, not to mention submission to authority.

Always be there for her. Don't just drop her off and then go run errands and such. Take something with you to keep you occupied, of course, but show her that you support her calling wholeheartedly by always being there for her. Go to every class--at least one parent. Go to every recital and performance.

Make a budget for dance. In an age when almost nobody budgets, this may be a tall order. Set aside an appropriate amount of money every month to pay for tuition, shoes, leotards, costumes, or whatever other expenses arise. It may make some sense for the dancer to begin to make some of these payments herself as she gains increasing control of her own budget (I don't mean the dance budget but her own), simply because it will give her a sense of ownership. However, you'd be robbing her of her dream and her calling if you make her pay for everything when she cannot afford it. Parents make the money, and parents signed up to be the guardians of God's dancing child; they need to be the ones to set aside the funds to help her see her calling realized. Don't let such an insignificant value as money stand in the way of her Godly calling.

Encourage her to take as many classes as is possible and safe. Ballet is a huge discipline and the core of most other dance forms, but jazz and tap and modern, etc., can help her ballet improve, too. These other, perhaps more expressive (or more freely expressed) forms will tend to stretch your ballerina in her emotive expression. This is a pattern I've seen repeated often; the best ballerinas take many types of dance classes.

As parents, learn to appreciate the art. Learn the vocabulary. Watch her classes. Learn what good choreography looks like. Recognize well performed moves versus sloppy ones. Understand how important body-control is. Take her to ballet performances, especially Christian ones, but even secular, professional ones. This helps her to see what's possible, what her skill target is. Loving what another loves is a simple matter of choice. Parents of called dancers have a responsibility to love dance, too, on behalf of their dancer.

Balance appreciation of the graceful and beautiful human body with Godly modesty. This can be a fine line to walk sometimes. For starters, dancers should wear modest cover-ups when not in the studio. It's highly inappropriate to wear ballet shoes outside or to expose the general public to just her leotard and tights when not in a dance setting. Start this habit of good cover-ups at a young age. Nude leotards are often recommended for performances. They may be worn underneath most any costume, giving the dancer a sense of modesty even if the costume is less than modest itself. Parents, teach her good body image. (This means you'll need to have a good body image of yourself, too.) Her body is nothing of which she should be ashamed--modesty is not shame. Recognize that much of dance is about demonstrating the grace and strength of the human body and the limits to which it can be put (e.g., pointe). While I certainly don't recommend dancing nude publicly, I believe one's views of nudity highly influence her idea of modesty. Nudity is not inherently sexual, and to make it so--either by inappropriate exposure (too liberal) or by inappropriate shame (too conservative)--is wrong. Having a healthy body image helps define the proper way to be modest without developing shameful or immodest complexes in your children.

Parents of a called dancer should get involved. Be a part of your daughter's world. Volunteer. Work tech. crew. Provide scholarships. Help the teachers and directors. Work backstage. Sell concessions. Tutor. Counsel. Whatever your own gifts, use them in your daughter's world of dance. When you chose to be a parent, you signed up as a steward of God's child. Your life is not your own to do as you please--never was anyway, since you belong to the Lord. Most assuredly, you can choose to apply your loves and gifts in the domain of your children's callings.

Success at dance is dependent much more upon determination than upon talent. I've seen talented dancers fail to make the effort, and they only progress so far and then stagnate. I've also seen talentless dancers work so much harder, and they achieve their dreams and their skills reflect it. So much more so for those with both talent and determination, of course. Just because your dancer has little talent, she is not destined for failure or even mediocrity. Give her the chance to explore her dream and see if it's her calling from the Lord to dance for His pleasure.

Look for good teachers. A good dance instructor finds a balance between criticism and praise. Too much praise without correction--naively intended to help esteem or confidence--gives a dancer to an overinflated self-image while her skills suffer from lack of appropriate feedback. This can later lead her into situation for which she is quite unprepared (e.g., an audition), from which she may get her spirit crushed when harsh reality hits her. On the other hand, too much criticism can also crush a dancer's spirit, leading her to believe she is not and cannot become capable. Each student responds to both praise and correction differently. A good teacher finds a balance that is tailored to each student. A good teacher must also never shy away from effective communication with the student's parents. There is no way to know the whole dancer without getting to know her parents (or background if the dancer is already an adult). Be wary of teachers who avoid conversations and discussions with parents. Good teachers get to know the whole dancer--her likes and dislikes, hopes and dreams, personality, upbringing and values--just like a good mentor does, in order to best meet her needs. Good teachers also tend to be reasonably mature, emotionally and spiritually, so their own baggage is not passed on to their students.

Find a good doctor for your dancer. Make sure he knows about ballet, pediatric development, sports medicine, etc. Before it's time for pointe take her to him for x-rays and analysis. Don't ever allow your dancer to go en pointe if her form and body control are not top-notch. She could end up crippling herself permanently if her form is poor. (We've seen this, too.) Regardless of common belief, there is no magic age for pointe, and it's largely guess work without x-rays and a well informed, well educated analysis. (You should understand my emphasis here, given my proclivity toward distrust of "certified" professions in general.) Ask all the questions you have; don't hold back. Your dancer's safety and even her future ability to walk may be at stake, so don't skimp here. You should know, too, that it's pretty much a dancer's lot to have feet, knee, and other troubles when they age. They're pushing their bodies to do things that are at the very limits of human ability. There will be consequences. Superior form will help prevent most of these unwanted effects, but be prepared for the possibility of them later in life.

Last but rightfully first, pray. Be faithful in your prayers with and for your dancer. Pray for the Lord's will and calling to be revealed. Pray for your hearts, as parents, to be molded to His will and plan and that you may not get in His way. Pray for her safety and her success in answering His call.